Five Things Your Spouse Should Know Before You Die
One of the first things we say to our new spouse on our wedding day is “‘..til death do us part.” But when we say it, we’re not really thinking about what it means; wedding days are more about imagining what “happily ever after” will look like.
Of course, the reality is that no matter how happy our ever after is, if we remain married, death will eventually part us. It’s hard to think about, and even harder to talk about. But hardest of all is navigating the death of a spouse without having discussed these issues beforehand.
Whom to Contact in the Event of Your Death (and How)
Often, our social circles overlap with our spouses; we have the same neighbors, usually attend the same worship services, and our friends may be the spouses of their friends. But most couples also have their “own” people: friends from work, separate hobbies, college, childhood. You may have family members your spouse doesn’t know, or doesn’t know how to reach.
Think about the people you would want to be able to attend your funeral or memorial service, or who would be shocked and saddened to hear of your death after months have passed. Give your spouse their contact information, ideally all in one place.
Often, telling one person in each social circle is enough; they can be asked to communicate the news to others in the group. But be mindful of people, especially family members, who may be hurt at not hearing directly from someone close to you.
Your Wishes for Burial or Cremation, Funeral or Memorial
If you and your spouse share a religious tradition, that tradition may dictate how you will be remembered and what will happen to your remains. If you don’t have a shared understanding about those issues, it’s important to be explicit about it. Otherwise, your spouse will have to make those decisions in the immediate aftermath of your death, uncertain of your wishes.
Even if your spouse has a broad sense of your preferences (funeral at your longtime church; burial, not cremation), offering specific details can be helpful, such as music you’d like played at your service, or a friend you would like to have offer a eulogy.
To make those first hard days after your loss a little easier on your spouse, you may also want to consider doing some pre-planning. Pre-planning not only ensures that your wishes for your funeral are honored, but takes the burden of making decisions off your spouse’s shoulders at an already overwhelming time. Of course, your spouse should also consider pre-planning for the same reasons.
Where to Find Your Estate Plan and Important Documents
Ideally, you and your spouse will have completed your estate plans together, and you will both know where each other’s will, trusts, powers of attorney, and health care directives are located. While these documents should be kept safe, they should also be reasonably accessible to survivors. Keeping them in a safe deposit box that only you have access to is a bad idea, for obvious reasons; keeping them in secure storage at your home is usually better. A fireproof safe is a good option, but make sure your spouse knows how to open it!
While you should make sure that your spouse has access to your estate plan, those aren’t the only documents they will need. Don’t forget to ensure they know where to find:
- Deeds to real estate
- Life insurance policies
- Information about financial accounts, including beneficiary designations
- Information about digital assets, including passwords to online photo storage and social media,and how to access cryptocurrency wallets
Issues That Could Affect Assets on Remarriage
If it’s hard to think about your death, it’s probably even harder to think about the prospect of your spouse someday remarrying. But if you have assets that you would like to pass to your children, rather than someone your spouse might someday marry, your spouse should know how you feel about that. You may need to revise your estate plan to create trusts or other mechanisms for protecting your children’s inheritance—and their peace of mind.
Whom to Call for Help
If you and your spouse did your estate planning together, your mutual estate planning attorney is the person they will likely turn to for help with the probate or trust administration process. If, for some reason, you did not work with the same attorney, you should connect your spouse with your lawyer, who is in the best position to help them navigate the business of settling your estate.
In many marriages, one spouse takes the lead in managing business, legal, and financial issues. If that person in your marriage is you, your spouse will benefit greatly from the knowledge of a trusted professional in sorting out your estate.
But even if your spouse is financially and legally savvy, estate administration is usually an unfamiliar process made even more difficult by grief. Ensuring that your spouse has the guidance they will need when the time comes will give you both peace of mind.
To make sure that your loved ones are prepared to navigate your eventual passing (and that you are equipped to deal with theirs, contact The Law Offices of Dana M. Kyle, P.A. to schedule a consultation.
